At that time, everybody was tall, thin and blond. Everybody posed, everybody gave you a look. But she was different. She was the first one who... moved. They all try to do it now...give you an attitude...but she invented it. She always followed her instincts...no matter where they took her. It was probably the best and the worst thing about her. With her, it was always about the sex...every look, every move, every minute. Every day. Sex. They were jealous of her.They still are. That's why they say those things. She would come on to everybody, but it was really innocent. I mean, nobody was ever really offended by it. I don't think it had anything to do with sex. Even when she was sleeping around, sex was not the goal. Sex wasn't really an issue.
- You can handle anything that comes your way.You do be the prettiest, prettiest girl. You do be that.
- Do l? Do l be the prettiest?
In fact, talking at all is not really required in this profession...or even encouraged. Anything you might have to say you say through the camera...the image,and hopefully the product.What comes out of your mouth
is totally irrelevant.Understood? Now, this is a career. This is a future. This is a life... if you want it.
Dear Diary, this is my life.
- Next one!
- Thank you and fuck you. Bye.
- Yeah, I go see, I go see.
- Nobody sees me.
- Ah, piece of meat, come here. Show me your bag.
And they stick their finger in you.
- I just wanna taste your temperature.
Every photograph makes a promise, and the promise is never kept. Look brain damaged. That's what makes a photo great. And if the promise is sex...Then you really have something...good.
Once upon a time...in a kingdom far, far away...there lived a young girl...whose hair was made of gold. When the people in the village saw her, they said... "Oh, how beautiful she is." And they showed her
a beautiful house...on the planet Mars. And they said, "Come and live here forever." And the young girl said... "Oh, Mars is a planet where life's different... safe, clean and pretty." But... But how do you get there? Where do you find a taxi? Which bus do you take? Right? And how do you know you're there when you're there?
Dear Book, this is another day in the life. A life is like a book.
A book is like a box. A box has six sides, inside and outside. So how do you get to what's inside? How do you get what's inside out? Once upon a time, there was a very pretty girl...who lived in a beautiful box and everybody loved her.
Once upon a time...
You know, all of a sudden, her face was just everywhere. But, you know, every model has a moment...I mean, the ones who make it at all. And being of the moment is everything in fashion. Fashion is not art. Fashion isn't even culture. Fashion is advertising...and advertising is money. And for every euro you earn, someone has to pay.
"Once upon a time,
there was a girl with golden hair...who went to live in a beautiful house." Always the same story. Always different, always the same. But the people in the village were very poor...and every night, they crept into the house where the girl slept...and they cut off a piece of her golden hair...and they sold it for money. "She'll never even notice,"they said. And so, all the gold was gone from her head.
This is it.
This is what they was looking for. Every model has a moment-l mean, the ones who make it at all and whether or not they can parlay that moment...into some kind of a career-well, that's the gamble, isn't it? 'Cause the moment is a very short time. lt's here and then it's gone, just like most of these girls. They're here...and then they're gone.
Yes, life is so disappointing. Here you are. You have arrived. You are here. This is your moment. What do you have? You have pain. When you have everything...what do you have? You have nothing. When everything is right, everything is wrong. It's disappointing. It's confusing. This is life. What can you do?
And the people said...
'Oh, she's not beautiful at all.' And they took her from the beautiful house...and they drove her into the street. And she went away...and she never came back. And soon, people became hungry again...and they went back into the beautiful house...looking for gold, but there was no one there.''
They say she knew. She really knew. She knew the whole story.
Life and death...energy and peace. lf l stop today, it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes
that l have made...and would have unmade if l could. The pains that have burned me
and scarred my soul. lt was worth it...for having been allowed to walk where l've walked...which was to hell on Earth...heaven on Earth...back again, into, under...far in between, through it...in it and above.
''This is life, not heaven.You don't have to be perfekt''
There was a sadness behind those eyes, Its somthing how the eyes of a person tells deep dark hinding secrets about a person's personlity the windows of the soul of a human, not just an objekt...
''l think there's a reason for everything. And l think that there's a plan for everybody. And l think that God...has a big plan for me.Just not in this life.''
My dear, this is the end of my book. The last page, the last shot. Seeing you to say hello and good-bye. Seeing you to fill up all the empty...and smell and touch...and leave my kisses all over your face. You were the one. You were the only one. And you are amazing.
